Being a parent is challenging, always. Being a parent is a process, but failing is not an option, right? I felt many times like the biggest failure in terms of my parenting, as a man, as a partner, father, also as a son. But if we look into this and use reverse cycle we might come to a shocking discovery. Being a parent can be hard, but also very rewarding, but we have to be careful.
Being a parent, this sound serious.
Parenting is a process, it’s like a pay-as-you-go system. You get back, as much you putting in- effort, love, kindness, care, and in exchange, you can enjoy the feeling of being happy and not to feel overwhelmed with parenting. Children will love you, no matter of your parenting skills, they love unconditionally. But all your effort will give you a chance to stop questioning yourself- did I do my best. Do your best, read, learn so you will never tell yourself – I done not enough, I could be better dad or mum. For me, just being good enough is enough, right?
My own parents done their best, yours too. Trust me.
We all are discovering how to be a parent bit by bit, day by day. Your children don’t need a super dad, a super mum, a super parent, they require a parent who can say I’m sorry when we made mistakes, they need a parent who will be patient and wants to listen, we all just human and we need to be humans in the eyes of our children.
I cannot tell you how many times I said sorry to my children, how many times I said – Daddy was wrong, daddy made a mistake- without excuse, without hiding the truth. What can you achieve by hiding your own mistakes from your children? They will hate themselves when they are facing failure or hardship – ‘cos dad is so perfect and he doesn’t make mistakes. Is that what you want?
Show them the real parent.
Some time ago my daughter asked me about my dreams when I was at her age. She knew that I used to work in the kitchen as a chef, that I support families now and I blog about many things. She asked – Dad, who did you want to be as a kid? A chef? I said, Not at all my love. Dad wanted to be a rock star, a performer and travel the world singing songs and do shows. You see – I added, sometimes our lives turn a bit different, sometimes we grow out of our dreams, but it’s ok, as long you are doing something which is important for you and makes you happy it’s worth it.
I told her also that, no matter what she will chose to do in life, what profession, what route she will take I will always support her.
On top of our words towards children, we should be aware of words and actions are taken around our children as our children observing us all the time.
“Don’t worry that children never listen to you; worry that they are always watching you.“
Children are amazing. They are trusting, pure, loving, selfless, getting straight to the point and honest. I guess that secret of better parenting is in treating relationship with your child as a partnership. We learn about our children, and at the same time, we are trying to adjust their learning from us, mistakes, fall downs, setback are part of children’s learning process and also they are the part of our learning process as a parent.
Frederick Douglass once said: “It is easier to build strong children than to repair broken men.”
One size fit all – is wrong
Children are different, they are also experiencing this world around them differently. We might look into milestones and our children reaching them but with age, these points of reference may vary, due to experience, nature and nurture. Some children become anxious, emotionally vulnerable, they are experiencing difficulties – it’s ok, sometimes we can’t predict what life will bring to us and our children. Can you blame yourself for ADHD, anxiety disorder, autism, or blame it on your parenting? No
If my child will be diagnosed with anxiety, experience mental health issues or face some life trauma – I will have to adjust and learn. It will not mean that I failed as a parent if I don’t adjust and learn – this might.
Enjoy, kids growing up so quickly.