We live in a fast and always-changing world. Not always leading a happy life. With my ageing, I’m noticing how my values change and how important are the people I surround myself with. I realised that I don’t need to have an opinion on everything.
This is awesome. I choose wisely what I consume in terms of information, food and news. It’s me who decides what is worth my effort. Today, I would like to explore a few truths about the life of 39 years old man, father, professional, immigrant and person who loves life to the fullest.
Happiness is in you.
You can’t buy it in the shop, you can’t find it in other people or material belongings. Trust me, I tried. Sex, relationship, drugs, alcohol, expensive stuff, toys for big boys, luxury holidays under palm trees – nothing will give you happiness if you can’t accept yourself and work on your inside hater.
We need to accept our journey and who we become, if something is bothering you, your past, your relationship, your mind or feelings- work on it.
Try therapy, praying or confession to a priest, counselling, peer groups, whatever works for you. If you can’t work things out with yourself, no amount of money, no relationship, drug or material thing will give you happiness. Sometimes we need to reach out, open old wounds and apologise. You are responsible for your happiness.
Stop doing dumb shit.
We are wasting so much time and energy on stuff we don’t need. On toxic relationships, totally pointless activities. If you don’t enough time in a day, to look after yourself, for your mental health just stop it. Is this a happy life? Stop going out for a drink on the weekend, stop wasting time on boozing, meaningless meetings. On Sunday usually, you feel depressed as you got no money, got a hangover and you angry at yourself for this.
Go out to nature, walk, spend time with good people, family, do things now, not when you will have time. If you feel powerless, need a wee bit of push, join some walking group, kickboxing, cycling, cooking. Stop living between work, sleep and party. Be loud and clear about it, tell your mates that you want to get the right balance. Let them laugh, you will see, they will come around. Running between things and wasting time.
No one is owing us a shite.
That’s true. People often live convinced that world or other people ow them something. Friends owing us friendships, family – care and contact, parents looking after grandchildren – this is just taken for granted. It’s wrong. Maybe it would be better to live your life while working towards deserving other peoples time and relationship. Give more from yourself to others and don’t expect anything on return. Don’t judge others by your standards. You don’t know their story, journey, life. Be someone who is extremely humble and work hard to be better each day.
Stop complaining and moaning.
Aye, This one. We tend to complain, about the weather, about politics, about our neighbours, bloody immigrants, about pay, about the job, about abso-fuckin-lutely everything. This is just pure poison. Complaining creates bad chemistry in our brain, takes our time and is making us miserable. It is sucking out energy from us, from others. We become addicted to it, it switching us off from happiness and on to complaining of others. We need to stop this. Redirect this energy, do something positive, shut yar gob.
Look after yourself, learn new things.
It’s important not to get stuck. I’m 39 and I have a huge list of things I would like to learn or accomplish. Self-development is important, it stimulates our brain, makes us aware, happy. Slowly learn new skills, whatever interest you. SEO, knitting, hiking, Chess, bodywork, yoga, languages, widening your interests, anything makes you happy and anything you dig. Read books, try to master anything. During the lockdown, we spent some time and our saved pennies on transforming old Ford Transit into a semi-amateur camper van.
It literally saved me. Well, I don’t have any more savings as I bought an old, rusty van and it took it all to do bodywork by a mechanic but hey. Now when it’s done we will be travelling and creating memories. I learned how to do woodwork, learn new skills with different tools. It was an amazing experience, seeing my kids using a hammer and drill. Going through different youtube videos, changing our plans almost every day, improving designs and have absolutely blast with it. Pour your heart out to things make you happy, give yourself a chance to learn and develop new skills. You wouldn’t like to be stuck doing the same stuff at work each day, why then are you doing it in your life though?
Give yourself time to chill out.
Run chicken run. We all have been there. Chasing almighty dollar might be very tiring, chasing bills, being a responsible adult and living in stress can kill. Give yourself time to chill, to stop. You need to know when to push or when to stop pushing and give yourself a break. We tend to push constantly and we reaching to the burnout stage. Stressed, depressed, overworked, we are losing sight of what’s important and what’s good for us. Don’t torture yourself, is not worth it.
Live using things, not people.
Your house should be a place for you to feel free, to feel yourself and to feel good. It’s not storage, not a tomb where you hoard things, it’s not good to have stuff – for “later”, for “I might need it one day”. Clear your wardrobe and cupboards, clear your head and heart from toxic waste, find time for a meaningful relationship and try to make safe space for others. Be kind, be helpful, try to do stuff for others. Volunteer, pick up litter, give blood, help someone with shopping, crossing the street. Anything, it’s so rewarding and great. Trust me. Some time ago, we went to collect litter instead of searching for easter eggs with my daughter. The other day this week, we registered as blood donors. Awesome feeling.
Stop buying dumb stuff.
I mentioned this before here, stop browsing and searching for stuff to buy. We really don’t need much, go through your direct debits, cancel unnecessary, donate clothes, sell unused gadgets, clear overflown drawers and make your house more minimalistic and uncluttered. Save money, create memories, create a platform to be happy. Get some plants, breathe with space.
Test things, change your mind, explore.
Don’t be afraid to explore, in every area of your life. It’s nothing wrong with saying – well, I tried and this is not for me. Show your kids that life is about discovering, experiencing and being openminded. We tried camping, caravaning, horse riding, minimalism, giving stuff away, reducing consumption of meat and dairy, becoming pescatarian with my partner. We are trying mindfulness, yoga, breathing exercise, cold showers, bare feet walks. Living closer to nature, quitting meat.
Try Instagram, write a blog, book, diary, plant trees, explore, build, destroy, as a result, you will move forward. Be openminded. Be happy.
Share your findings, inspire others. Afer watching Netflix The Game Changers few people around me watched it also and decided to quit eating meat. Be inspiring not a pain in the arse. Share, with no expectations of following you. Talk, listen, get inspired and inspire others. Simple. Be brave, be yourself, make the first move. Love people.