Parenthood changed me, but the diagnosis of my son turned my life upside down to start with. With time passing by, it turned me into a better person. Why? I will tell you now, but if you want to know more, feel free to reach out for my book which comes out this very month – March 2020 on Amazon.
Rock bottom and no future.
I had a very unusual upbringing as my parents were deaf. I have an older brother, we didn’t get along, I was rebellious soul, thrown out from every single high school. I left my home around age of sixteen and became locked into a rehab facility before reaching 18th birthday. I didn’t fit. Lost in life, with low self-esteem, rejected by many, got accepted by an amazing family. A class friend told his mum about my struggles and they offered me shelter and bed, food and a safe environment. This was a miracle.
I totally failed my first chance to be a father. I was young, in a relationship which became very toxic and changed me.
I moved away to start over, leaving behind a wee boy, not knowing if I will ever have a chance to meet him. My first son Paul, was born soon after my move to the UK in 2005. I wasn’t involved in his upbringing, I was not even able to know what’s happening in his life for almost 15 years, but I need to tell you that some time ago we got in touch and month ago he visited us in Edinburgh. I got a teenager son who was able to forgive and understands. I failed, he proved to be a great man. Better than me 15 years ago.
Do you have a chance to get somewhere in this life?
Many years later, in a different country, I met and fell in love with a girl. She is the mother of my two other children, we got married, soon after the birth of my daughter, our son was diagnosed with autism and developmental delay. He was just three years old. At this point, I thought that our world just crashed. I got drunk, cried and asked mysel f- Why us?
Before that I was an OK dad. I loved to spend time with my children but I just lacked patience. Often I had a hangover, trying to survive the weekend and get some sleep. Moody, negative, sometimes I was snapping on wife, sometimes on kids. Honestly, I was a dick for the first three years of me being a dad and husband.
The diagnosis was a turning point. I became focused on my family, kids and decided to chase my dream. To work with families and children. I wanted also to understand my own children better. My autistic son and my neurotypical daughter.
I decided to go back to education, finished Edinburgh College and became male early years practitioners.
I fell in love with fatherhood, being present for my children and being able to understand their needs better. Later on, I wanted to find a way to deal with my emotions, thoughts about fatherhood, autism, development of my kids. This turned to the full-size book, which was published 4 years ago in Poland. Later I started my blog and became recognisable in Polish social media scene.
I became a devoted father, good husband, a person who smiles and help others. Passing time and life threw some difficulties under our feet, separation, breaking down of a marriage, got diagnosed with depression and anxiety. Yet, I fell in love again and I am still being a proud parent of a teen, child with autism and neurotypical girl. I’m almost forty. Life dragged me up and down, but I’m still here and If my book can help someone else – it was worth it. I’m looking forward to hearing from readers about their opinion.
Why I’m writing this? To encourage you to not to give up on yourself. It’s always a good time for positive change, I fell so many times, I’ve changed even more. I have done things that I would be ashamed of today, but I can’t change my past – I paid my price, apologised and moved on. Chin up.
Remember, nothing is set in stone. You can always change your life, become a better human, better person, better husband. Past is in the past. Start today, be kind to yourself and don’t focus on things you can’t change. Sending love.