When I started to take my antidepressants I thought that pills will help me to sort out my head, just to settle my lows and highs, help me feel relatively alright. My psychiatric nurse told me at the start – It will get worse before get’s better. I assumed that this is just a figure of speech. It wasn’t really

First four weeks was a disaster. I felt literally out of my body, I didn’t recognise myself, I wasn’t myself at all. It was strange and scary, panic attacks, long term sleep deprivation, feeling dizzy and constantly tired. Emptiness and feeling of being lost, unimportant, worthless and pure sadness. This wasn’t uplifting at all.
With time, my antidepressants took over, week by week I consulted my health with professional and at the level of 150mg SSRI, this dose made me feel relatively stable.



Months passed, my days come and go, I got good days and some wobbly days too. I’m working with my therapist, taking my meds, I’m trying to do yoga and lead some active lifestyle. Depression or actually antidepressants have some side effects. I can relate to a few.

I know that each person can experience different side effects or can’t use some of the meds. I feel ok, but I can see how my weight gained quickly and my libido totally disappeared.

Antidepressants and weight-gain

Dramatically I would say, within 6 months I gained 15 kg, I was aware of this and I didn’t pressure myself about it, as this is the last thing you need when depressed. Any kind of worries or pressure.

Antidepressants and libido

I also totally lost my libido. Seriously, this was very strange. Few weeks after taking my meds my sex drive disappeared, no a sign of sexual tension. It was totally weird, felt totally asexual in any way. I can share that obviously, my partner wasn’t happy about it. Well, as humans we have needs and we like to do nice stuff, but I was totally above this. We even done some tests at some point, even watching porno was not making any difference. Yes, we did try this experiment for laugh.



Obviously if this side effects would be only lasting few weeks that wouldn’t be an issue, but what you gonna say to a long lasting building up of fat and years of sexual stagnation in relationship. It might put some pressure on your mind and body as on your partner sanity. How many she/he can hear : Tomorrow darling, tomorrow.

I felt it for my lovely girlfriend, she was patient, she didn’t push me, but I wanted her to feel lovable, desired and loved physically and emotionally too.
Depression, made me fat, depression made me asexual towards anyone and I understand how this might impact relationships, your self-esteem, put pressure on couples and lead to divorces and even bigger mental issues and rejection.

Tiredness, insomnia and other side effects

Another side effect is constant tiredness or opposite of it, inability to have proper, restful sleep. This might drive you insane, but you need to always consult your side effects with the doctor – and stay away form uncle google.
You can also experience mood swings, lack of appetite, headaches, irritation and short temper. Good luck with those.

Depression affects people around sick person, meds are just as much helping with it, as creating other problems. Depression is not straight forward, it’s a risky game, which needs to be played thoughtfully. Hopefully, we will win this round.